The Second Narrator Artist Statement

I am never alone. She stands behind me at all times, whispering in my ear. I hear her call to me through the day and through the night. Her fingers grab my arms and legs. She tells me stories of my fate and ways to fix it if only I act quickly: Knock three times on this piece of wood and take the longer way home. I move with her message but find myself living and dying a thousand small deaths on a Wednesday morning.

I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder approximately 2 years ago. Most commonly this disorder is misrepresented as one being a “neat freak” and systematically unreasonable. It’s true I like things in an order, but that order is determined by my second narrator. If things fall out of line I’m warned of my loved ones’ passings or my own death. It is up to me, and only me, to change the outcome (by moving an object a little to the left). These are intrusive thoughts. It is difficult to try and be in control. It is even more difficult to release the control.

This project is broken up into “episodes” playing on the medical definition and the television definition. Each episode covers a specific intrusive thought I’ve had in my life as an attempt to examine and understand the fear causing it. The accompanying journal entry is documentation of the intrusive thought.